Wherever I Go, There I Am: The Majors Occupational Environment Measure (OEM)

Posted on May 2, 2016May 2, 2016 by Jennifer Rojas

“And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile…
And you may ask yourself
Well…How did I get here?” – Talking Heads, 1981

I don’t know about you, but I tend to use song lyrics to frame various life situations. Although “Once in a Lifetime” by new wave band Talking Heads is three-and-a-half decades old, I think that most of us – at any age or of any generation – can, at one time or another, resonate with these existential ponderings.

As someone who has, actually, found herself “in another part of the world”, and who has done some deep work around figuring out how I got here, it’s become more and more clear that the saying, “Wherever I go, there I am” is at the core of the matter. For all of us.

Have you ever woken up an wondered if the life you’ve built is actually what you want? Do you feel that you’re not utillizing your true talents? Do you feel stuck in a dead-end job? Are you merely living to work vs. working to live? Are you not relating to your loved ones and co-workers as authentically as you’d like? Are you about to make a life transition, say, into university – but aren’t sure which academic path to take? Have you just graduated with a beautiful, shiny degree, but have no idea where to go from here?

“And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go to?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?…Am I wrong?
And you may say to yourself yourself
My God!…What have I done?!”

Choosing a career is one of the most important, and difficult, decisions a person can make. The Majors Occupational Environment Measure™ (MajorsOEM™) is designed to help individuals make this challenging decision. Individuals explore areas of preference and avoidance according to their work interests, tasks/activities and environmental settings.

The MajorsOEM™ provides you with a complete set of results (avoidance and preference) that are consistently reliable, valid in application and intuitively meaningful. It’s been proven to be very useful in career and vocational counseling for high school and college/university students. It has also met great success in career planning for adults, including mid-life career changers, corporate restructuring and retirement/leisure activities. It is an excellent choice for students, graduates, professionals, or individuals returning to the workforce.

If you feel that your life is the “same as it ever was” – but you’re finding that unsatisfying; or if you’re just starting out and need some guidance; or you generally just don’t know what you want to be when you grow up (even if you’re 50) – read more about the The MajorsOEM™ and feel free to contact us. Because YOU are unsuppressable.

Do you have your own story about things falling apart and your plans going awry (and what you did after that)- personally or in business? If you’d like share your story on our blog because you think it could help others and build connection, please feel free to contact Jennifer (also our Blog Editor) at jennifer.rojas@aureliuspress.com

Judgment, Chaos and Love

Posted on January 18, 2016January 18, 2016 by Jennifer Rojas

Today was one of those days that we knew wouldn’t be easy, but my husband and I decided to take a flexible approach and buckle our metaphorical seatbelts for the bumpy ride. As it turns out, the day ended up being even more frustrating and demoralizing than we could have imagined – in part because of our judgment of others.

Dealing with municipal bureaucracy is never pleasant, but for a confluence of reasons, what should have been a simple, straightforward transaction turned into a large chunk of a day with tempers flaring, several bus rides across town, futile phone calls, walking quite a few blocks in a dust storm, and a fall down some concrete stairs (don’t worry- it was just a surface flesh wound).

We could’ve blamed it on the postal service (if only we’d received the tax bill that we needed to take to the municipality to pay). We could’ve blamed it on our apartment’s property manager (if only she had given us a copy of last year’s bill with account information on it to bring to the municipality, the agent would have had enough information to process our payment). We could’ve blamed it on the municipal agent (if only she weren’t so unfriendly and lazy, she could have easily looked up the correct account in her system and let us pay the bill). We could’ve blamed the municipality (if only they took the kind of credit card we have, we wouldn’t have also had to go to the bank and wait in line for a long time, wasting more of the day). If only, if only, if only!

You get the picture. Lots of blame and judgment to go around, right? And how will that change the outcome? IT WON’T. And certainly not today it didn’t. At a certain point, as we’ve seen today, getting angry and frustrated only seems to lead to a lack of mindfulness that keeps the web of misfires and mishaps occurring. It’s like a big ball of chaos that feeds on itself and keeps growing and clouding clarity. Eventually, it not only sucks one’s energy completely, but also makes for poor in-the-moment decisions that have the potential to affect one’s safety.

So the lesson I’ve learned today is about judgment – and being mindful about what’s going on with us when we find ourselves judging others. Here is a wonderful, quick tool to use to turn judgment into lovingkindess:

Thank you, Mitra Manesh!

We will stop trying to push our agenda and expectations today. We will let go of judging all the people and entities that we could blame for today’s lack of progress and wish them the lovingkindess they need now. That way, we’ll have the energy to form a creative and sensible plan in order to make tomorrow happier and more productive.

Do you have your own story about your plans going awry, your day turning out frustrating – and if and how you judged others for the outcome? Do you practice mindfulness? If you’d like share your story on our blog because you think it could help others and build connection, please feel free to contact Jennifer (also our Blog Editor) at jennifer.rojas@aureliuspress.com

Holidays vs Holy Days: Presence vs Presents

Posted on December 31, 2015December 31, 2015 by Jennifer Rojas

We all know that the holiday season – while “merry and bright” – can be full of grand expectations. There should be peaceful, loving family gatherings where everyone gets along famously. There should be boyfriends and girlfriends and life partners who appear magically to fulfill us in every way. There should be only successful business ventures. Nobody should be lonely… you get the drift.

So, in the holiday spirit, and as we approach a brand new year, Gary shares some profound insights about expectations, acceptance and abundance in our most recent podcast. He discusses his own personal transformation surrounding the holidays, which has led to much greater enjoyment and peace during this time of year.

Gary’s story begins over 23 years ago, while still suffering post-divorce paralysis. His desire to get un-stuck merged with the meditation portion of the 11th step in a 12-Step program. The insight he gained was this: addiction is associated with expectations. He came to call the holiday season, “The Disneyland of Addiction” – a time of high emotionality and expectations where trying to satisfy feelings, similar to a child in the “terrible twos,” takes precedence over principle-based behavior. He realized that this high-emotionality-combined-with-high-expectations can lead to our suffering.

Consequently, Gary explains that holidays are about expectations, while holy days are about being responsible, living by one’s principles, and treating others in a compassionate, respectful manner. Said more simply, the goal of this shift in perspective is to “have my butt and my brain in the same place and time zone.”

Gary’s Buddhist practice comes into play in helping develop daily habits to stay present, aware, and “in” life, moment by moment. This leads to loving-kindness for self and others and puts the “holy” in holy days.

The switch to embracing the notion of holy days at this time of year has allowed Gary to remove himself from the trap of expectations. Life is simpler. Pain doesn’t necessarily go away, but suffering lessens. This leads to an increase in acceptance. This acceptance leads to the development of options and better decision-making – rather than being hung up on a given expectation.

Gary believes that when we hang onto expectations, a tightfistedness sets in that is very controlling and leads to misery (e.g., My cookies didn’t come out right… The kids better behave perfectly in their Christmas best clothing… My sister is being passive-aggressive… Doesn’t Aunt Jane remember I have peanut allergies?… He didn’t call me so my holiday is ruined… I’m surrounded by all these people, but I feel lonely…)

One not-so-obvious option during the seasonal “expectations vs. reality” stupor is to be prepared to still take care of oneself even when plans fail. To actually take that energy from the disappointment and move it into something constructive. And, if a plan does come to fruition, you can move that energy as well into something greater than can be built.

We certainly don’t need to dismiss our heritages and traditions during the holiday season. Our favourite foods, music, activities and cultural traditions should be enjoyed as there is much opportunity for warmth and closeness, and a sense of belonging. AND looking through the lens of holy days instead of holidays can also create abundance and expand the space in which the abundance can grow. Joy can result!

You can listen to Gary’s wisdom and insight on holy days in the podcast here.

We at Aurelius Press wish you much love, joy and abundance in the new year!

Do you have your own story about holiday expectations and transformations? If you’d like share your story on our blog because you think it could help others and build connection, please feel free to contact Jennifer (also our Blog Editor) at jennifer.rojas@aureliuspress.com

Wherever I Go, There I Am: Dealing With Violence

Posted on November 30, 2015 by Jennifer Rojas

Random thoughts/rattlings from a place where a percentage of the population wants to kill you and has been killing and maiming people on the street almost daily for the past few months with knives, meat cleavers, screwdrivers, bullets, cars and scissors:

That split second in-between reaching for the door to go out of your apartment building, onto the street, and feeling the lovely, sunny autumn air on your face – a split second that would normally feel pleasant and hopeful for a person like me, who likes to be “out and about” – is now tainted by, “Wait. What shoes am I wearing? Can I run in these? Could I get away, or would I trip and fall down only to be bloodily devoured like a gazelle on the Serengeti Plain? OK, yeah, I’ve got the pepper spray handy, but what if that’s not enough? What if the blind hatred and rage behind a knife is even stronger?”

What if my choice of footwear today means the difference between life and being hacked into body parts like meat at the butcher?

The physical surroundings outside of my apartment are beautiful – lush, vibrant trees and flowers in an array of gorgeous colours. The air smells fresh, but no longer welcoming. My brain finds it difficult to reconcile this beauty with what might be lurking behind it.

For an ENFP, who gets her energy from the outside world, these feelings are distressing particularly because the current outside world in my city seems surrealistically scary. Untrustworthy. Nonsensical. That the energy I’d love to soak in from “out there” is unhealthy at best and life-threateningly dangerous at worst.

Daily errands are accompanied by thoughts of, “Let me run out to take care of this quickly. Please let me get to where I’m going without being attacked. OK, I’ve done my task, now please let me get home without getting attacked.”

I need to go out to buy butter, sage and celery. A pleasant walk on a lovely day to collect some items for a holiday of gratitude instead becomes a cost-benefit analysis: “If I die today because I went out, would those items have been worth it? If it’s gonna happen, shouldn’t it be for more ‘important’ things? What would those literally ‘to-die-for’ grocery items actually be?”

If I got attacked and hurt or dead when I chose to go out for celery, sage and butter, would that make me a stupid, trivial ass who deserved it?

You can see how absurd the thought process becomes when one feels threatened. This internal commentary is the antithesis of my hard-wiring, which has always been to feel at ease in the world, with an openness that attracts all kinds of people in random settings wherever I go. Which has brought me beautiful, raw, gratifying human interactions the world over. For me, these human interactions are the stuff of life.

Life in this place, at this moment, is a challenge to the essence and core of my being. This is what violence and fear can do. And I’m one of the lucky ones so far.

Do you have your own story about things falling apart and your plans going awry (and what you did after that)- personally or in business? Have you experienced living with violence at any level (domestic, professional, geographical)? If you’d like share your story on our blog because you think it could help others and build connection, please feel free to contact Jennifer (also our Blog Editor) at jennifer.rojas@aureliuspress.com

Suicide Survivors: Interview with Josh Rivedal, Jack-of-Many-Trades

Posted on November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 by Jennifer Rojas

One of the recent interviews in our suicide survivors podcast series features Josh Rivedal – author, actor, arts entrepreneur, and global speaker on suicide prevention, mental health, and diversity.

The conversation begins with Josh discussing how people want to avoid the topic of suicide like the plague. He lost both his paternal grandfather and then his father to suicide – and no one was allowed to talk about it in the house. He discusses the sense of shame that his father had about his grandfather’s suicide and how his father took his own life on the day his divorce from Josh’s mother was to be finalized.

In turn, as with other survivors, this increased the odds of Josh considering and completing suicide. Josh feels that knowledge of the facts would have helped him avoid his own eventual suicidal crisis.

Josh describes how he used work hard to avoid his problems, which resulted in a slow slide into clinical depression. This led to him considering suicide. His mother thankfully had the courage to ask him if he was considering suicide, and encouraged and helped him to find professional help.

Josh’s recovery process led him to the decision to speak out and help others get their stories out to the public, as part of a movement to prevent and recover from suicide.

After his father’s suicide, Josh created a one-man show entitled, “Kicking My Blue Genes In the Butt,” centering on his relationship with his father. He shares the impact that the interaction with the audience has had – not only on attendees of the show, but on himself. He now speaks between 35-40 times a year to survival groups, colleges and high schools, and juvenile detention centers.

In 2014, Josh launched The i’Mpossible Project, designed to encourage others to tell their stories.

He is also now working with venture capital firms and entrepreneurs on learning how to re-frame failure, along with his work with LOSSTeams and postvention.

Josh advises that coming out of the isolation by helping others can give purpose to one’s life. He describes the significance of each of us telling our story, and the fact that we don’t have to be a professional writer or actor to do so. Here are just a few of the projects that Josh has worked on to help reduce the stigma of suicide and help others in their healing processes:

You can listen to the interview with Josh here.

If you are feeling suicidal or need help for yourself or someone you know, please consult IASP’s Suicide Prevention Resources to find a crisis center anywhere in the world. In the US, call toll-free 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a free suicide prevention service or visit SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.

Are you a survivor of suicide or a professional who works in the suicide prevention field? If you’d like share your story on our blog because you think it could help others or build connection and awareness, please feel free to contact Jennifer Rojas (our Blog Editor and General Manager) at jennifer.rojas@aureliuspress.com

Suicide Survivors: Interview with Dr. Frank Campbell of LOSSTeam

Posted on October 15, 2015 by Jennifer Rojas

suicidepreventioncandle In the first in our series of podcast interviews with both survivors of suicide (those who have been left behind after a loved one took their own life), and with some of the professionals who work with those survivors, Aurelius Press founder, Gary, speaks with Dr. Frank Campbell of LOSSTeam.

Dr. Campbell describes how the LOSSteam was created in order to provide support (postvention) for those left behind after someone completes suicide. He has found through his years of practice that people at risk for suicide would have reached out for help sooner if they knew where to go.

He also shares the challenges of people not familiar with crime scene etiquette showing up to help survivors of suicide – and how LOSSteams developed around the need to support survivors of suicide while practicing the appropriate etiquette to avoid contaminating a potential homicide scene.

The difference between grief, trauma, and bereavement is presented. Dr. Campbell shows how the survivor can get back into life and feel well. Additionally, the topics of post-traumatic growth, childhood and generational issues, pointing the way towards health – and more – are all part of this informative and important interview.

You can listen to the interview with Dr. Campbell here.

Suicide Prevention and Community

Posted on September 28, 2015September 29, 2015 by Jennifer Rojas

Here at Aurelius Press, we’re all about sharing stories. One of our main goals is to build community – and we feel that the sharing of personal narratives amongst people is one beautiful way to forge that human connection.

As you’ve probably noticed, we encourage folks to share not only about their successes, but also – and particularly – about the failures that occurred along their path to something greater (and by “greater” we mean self-awareness, self-esteem, being able to live comfortably in one’s own skin).

It is our hope that the vulnerability of sharing about those times when things totally fell apart will inspire others who feel that they’ve reached their own crossroads in life and may not be sure how or where to proceed. That learning about another person’s rocky journey – and how they turned things around – may help others feel less alone.

Because September 2015 is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, we’d also like to acknowledge that sometimes, for a confluence of reasons, a person may feel so incredibly lost and hopeless that any glimpse of a way forward may become eclipsed by despair. And they may feel that the only “way out” of the pain or pressure is to complete suicide. We believe that those stories must also be shared, so we’ve started a new series of podcast interviews with both survivors of suicide (those who have been left behind after a loved one took their own life), and with some of the professionals who work with those survivors.

You’ll be able to find those interviews on our Thrive and Connect podcast site. Our first interview is with Dr. Frank Campbell, who describes how the LOSSteam was created to provide support (postvention) for those left behind after someone completes suicide. He relates the vital discovery through years of practice that people at risk for suicide would have reached out for help sooner if they knew where to go.

For Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Lost

Posted on July 20, 2015 by Jennifer Rojas

Do you ever feel like you should be further along? Do you ever feel like people mean well, but their advice really only wants to pull you into or back to their realities- not yours? Is staying present in whatever it is you’re going through – rather than seeking numbing distraction – too painful?

Maybe you have to walk through that despair – like walking on hot coals – in order to get to where you need to be (not where anyone else thinks you should be). Wherever that place or space is – in your head, your heart, your soul or your world – it’s blurry and you feel like you’re trying to navigate the high seas in a storm and all your nautical maps just got blown away.

But somewhere on this ship there is a compass. It might’ve broken off from its foundation and is rolling around with the ship. Maybe it got blown down below deck. Maybe it flew back and clocked you on the head and you’re bleeding. From your own freakin’ compass. And you’re blinded by the sea spray and rain and maybe blood in your eyes, so you have to feel around for it, but you know it’s there. You might be crawling around, blind, on your hands and knees, getting knocked upside the head, holding on for dear life, but dammit that compass – your compass – is on this ship.

But the only way you’re going to find it is to stop flailing. Stop distracting yourself. Stop and be still and silent right in the thick of the storm and the desperation and the fear. Stop. And breathe. And listen. It’s right there.

You’re right there.

Do you have your own story about being lost to yourself (and what led to that, how you handled it and how you remedied it)- personally or in business? If you’d like share your story on our blog because you think it could help others and build connection, please feel free to contact Jennifer (also our Blog Editor) at jennifer.rojas@aureliuspress.com

Wherever I Go, There I Am (Part 1)

Posted on June 15, 2015July 6, 2015 by Jennifer Rojas

Aurelius Press is all about forging connection amongst people. This connection is based on “the story” – your story, our story, your client’s story. Thus, I’d like share a bit of my personal narrative here, which will help illuminate what ultimately brought me to Aurelius Press. While the details are unique to my specific experience, it is my hope that there are elements of my tale that many of you will find familiar to your own journey.

FIVE (5) years ago, I arrived in Israel with 3 suitcases, a lap top, a cat and the wrong husband.

I had, for the previous 5 years, been fighting a long, protracted and demoralizing immigration battle to bring my husband back to the United States. Not only was it a very challenging case, but the one official in charge of reading and deciding our case let it sit for two years before arbitrarily deciding he just didn’t want to read it. Which meant another legal action on my part – just to get the person to read and decide.

Of course (in retrospect), the decision was NO. Which ultimately led to a last ditch attempt to bring my husband and me together in the same place so we could finally begin our life as a married couple – 5 years after we were married. Israel allowed us to do that. So, after about a year of planning, I gave up a 10+ year job, my home, and my entire support network of loved ones.

I flooded even more financial (I’d already gone bankrupt) and emotional resources into making my marriage work, and arrived in a foreign land, knowing only the Hebrew I’d learned in grade school. With no work lined up. No people connections. But I was gonna make this work! I was going to show “them”! I’d already poured everything into this mission of getting my husband back, one way or another, one country or another. I was going to make it happen, against all odds. I was going for broke. For love!

Turns out, once we had the opportunity to live together for more than 2 weeks at a time on vacation in a Central or South American country, it became very clear that we were not the right people for each other. Not only “not right” – but very, very WRONG. I’ll spare you the gory details, so let’s just say it involved a heady (and now right-there-glaringly-in-my face) mix of emotional abuse and manipulation, dishonesty, unbridgeable cultural gaps, disrespect and complete loss of self-esteem. Certainly, not love. Within 6 weeks of finally coming together on the same soil, we were done. DONE. After all that…

There followed many a plea from loved ones over Skype from 5,000 miles away to “Just get on the first plane and come home… Your job will take you back… You only went there because of him, so there’s no reason to stay…” You get the picture. My immediate, superficial reaction was that I couldn’t go back because I was just too ashamed. Horrifically mortified. After all that time and effort, people expected a happy ending. People who were so supportive (even knowing we were wrong for each other), people who helped us financially… I couldn’t face them. I couldn’t bring myself to let them down with my epic failure.

And yet, there was something else (besides embarrassment) – something deeper – that made me stay to find out what would happen. I wasn’t sure what it was at the time, but now I get it. One of my friends and former colleagues, a wise man (and sometimes a wiseguy!), Gary Monti, lovingly and repeatedly asked me the question, “Who’s the one person who’s always present at every problem you have?”

And I ultimately had to accept the notion of an old quote that Gary likes to reference:

Wherever I go, there I am.

And thus began my “hero’s journey” – alone in a foreign country with no job, no car, not knowing enough of the language, no support system, savings dwindling, a broken marriage, trampled self-esteem, and racked with shame and disappointment.

Gotta start somewhere, right?

Stay tuned for what followed…

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Tag: Personal Journey